it seems the older we get, the quicker time flies.
but time does not change—
only we do

..

i want to be less apologetic
for who i am becoming
progressing
transforming
evolving
healing
into
..

do we want to be hindered by
regrets, or
motivated by
possibility?

this little corner of my 2019 goals has been neglected since my february issue, which happened to coincide with the launch of Diverging Magazine & taking on a role there as Liturgy editor. i guess overseeing two seasonal series for Lent and Advent, and sixteen Liturgy pieces would get in the way of personal writing time...

while it feels defeating that i have failed at my goal of producing a monthly newsletter this year, i am resolute that 2019 has been a success in learning what i can and cannot handle in the limited time, energy, and resources within my grasp. an important lesson i am learning is that setting concrete goals and a plan is not sufficient enough to maintain discipline, and i need (non-fundamentalist) accountability to keep me on track. i am excited for writing friends that will bug & remind me to stay on track!

***

new life development: in other news, i have discovered a newfound love for cats and kitties, thanks to this guy (see below for the unfiltered, CUTEST KITTY PHOTO). despite a severe allergy to felines, bam bam has shown me what loyalty, dedication, solidarity, and a lot of selfishness (needs to be petted, all! the! time!) can do to change a girl’s mind. my life has been altered forever, and i now admire and fawn over cats everywhere.

i hope y’all stick with me in 2020 as i try to get my shit together and further develop my writing.

cheers to the mess, and onward?

love,
以心

~moodboard~ of some favorite snapshots from this year

1.
you are the only one
i want to go to
delancey & eldrige
with

2.
who am i
you spoil me
beyond my expectations
and my every need

3.
who else
will know
when i need to
drink a glass?

4.
i cannot see you
but i miss
the way
you see right through me

5.
your warmth
is never
more than a
lyft away

6.
我常常想想
你的支持
多謝你
給我的愛
沒有你我不
可以長大

happy 情人節 / valentine’s day eve!

all my close friends know i hate cheesy sh*t and romance in general, ESPECIALLY the overly romantic oversharing on social media kind (excuse me while i puke in the corner). i just have a real aversion to showing public displays of affection for my loved ones. in efforts to connect with my 心 (since it is literally my namesake), i decided to write a few poems for people i love! so gross, but i have to admit it was kind of fun to spend some time thinking about why i love the people in my life. love is important. and i appreciate those in my life who offer me their love.

!!! reader response opportunity: since i made the object of each poem a mystery, i would love to get YOUR best guesses on who exactly each poem corresponds to. reply to this email with your responses + i will gift the first 3 people who get more than one poem correct with a belated valentine’s card.

love, 以心

Some Things I Love:

no pie can compare to
peetee’s, my one and only

i am learning to be a plant mama
the trees holding space over me
their branches keeping watch over me

the breath of relief
when you appeared

you,
you don’t know me
you only passed by
for a fleeting second,
but your presence soothed
all my inner anxieties,
the paranoia of
potential violence against me.
in a city whose streets were unfamiliar but
the stares & looks a reoccurring theme and
never too far behind.
while the clothes i wore didn’t matter
the patriarchal gaze said enough.

you,
my knight-in-shining armor
a momentary break in the swirl of fear and
safe-guarding…your,
wholly femme self breathed relief & life back
into my pounding heart.
hope wrapped in a millisecond

you passed.
i kept onward.
the moment broke, but the memory of the protection you poured over me
remains a priceless gift
that i hope another
offers you one day.

新年快樂 / happy lunar new year! if you haven’t heard of my latest artistic endeavors, i have been back in touch with 書法 (or chinese calligraphy) through workshops at Wing On Wo’s 店面 Storefront Residency this past Fall/Winter. it has been a newfound joy to struggle with writing characters i am not always sure of the meaning, but it has allowed a renewed connection with the legacy my 公公, 葉奕明 left behind. according to my cousin, 公公 spent his retirement mornings writing characters on newsprint. cheers to carrying on generational traditions. i hope this digging into old spaces will bring honor to my 葉/周家族 in this new year.

love, 以心

Snapshots from the past month:

january 2019 - street art in lisbon, portugal

february 2019 - chinese calligraphy by a jook sing

phase i
i used to be a bleeding heart
now it sits in a million pieces at the feet of
hurt people who
hurt people.
i am looking for…

phase ii
i want to see a world where justice rolls down,
to let all the emotions, be.
but also, to look - think - learn
from outside the lines
to inside the swirl
of…

phase iii
i am leaving this
undefined and unfinished

let’s set a place at the table for
all to come.

1.1.19

in twenty eighteen i further rooted myself in the deconstruction of toxic and draining things in my life. i am revitalizing my public writings in twenty nineteen in hopes that it’ll push me towards pursuing better rhythms that will encourage me to take the words bottled up in my mind and filter them through poetry, narratives, and fiction. i hope you enjoy these scattered bits that i am trying to piece together. 我们一起旅程 / let's journey together.

love, 以心